Allow us to highlight the most stunningly frustrating statistics from Tinder’s ‘Green Flags Report’

The old saying about assumptions (you know the one – if you contractyou make one donkey out you And me) will never be unimportant – just thank human nature. But what happens when assumptions go beyond making someone look bad and actually start…messing with our dating lives?

Earlier this month, Tinder published its ‘Green Flags Study’, a survey of 8,000 18-34 year old heterosexual men and women in the US, UK, Australia and Canada. The TLDR: Both men and women want the same things when it comes to dating and relationships, they just assume the opposite sex wants the opposite.

Why? Well, harmful stereotypes, for example, said Indiana University social psychologist Dr. Sara Konrath. But today’s singles are also the very first generation to be right usage dating apps! And in a post-pandemic world full of screen fatigue and unprecedented loneliness, people are just trying to figure out how to connect, both online and offline. The result: what Tinder calls the “assumption epidemic.” Everyone’s true intentions and desires are painfully unclear, and it makes it harder for people to date.

For example, 53 percent of men surveyed said they want a romantic relationship, but they think only 49 percent of women want the same. The truth? That percentage is actually 68. That means that the majority of singles – both men and women – want something serious, namely enormous considering that 65 percent of women said they think men are only looking for casual sex or a short-term relationship. (Only 29 percent actually are.)

Another big misconception: 34 percent of men think women focus on height as the most important factor in determining whether to meet or date a match, while 31 percent think they focus on job title. And while a guy in finance, with a trust fund, 6 feet tall, and blue eyes is ~trendy~ on TikTok, Tinder’s research says these factors “don’t seem to be make-or-breaks” IRL. In fact, the majority (72 percent) of women look at men’s profile photos, their hobbies and interests (37 percent) and their biography (28 percent). Only 22 percent of women surveyed said height is an important consideration, and only 16 percent mentioned job title.

In fact, loyalty is the most important factor women look for in a male partner. Honesty came in second at 37 percent. For men, attractiveness came first at 48 percent (why are men!!!), but it’s neck and neck with loyalty (47 percent), followed by honesty at 38 percent.

When it comes to etiquette, the survey found that there is a wide gap between what men and women consider chivalrous in 2024. Women don’t care so much that men pay the bill (45 percent), but they do care that they receive sincere compliments (50 percent) and simply have respectful conversations online (48 percent). In fact, the top three chivalries that women surveyed most value (guys, this is the note-taking part) are: when a date gets them home safely (59! percent!), going to the screen – free during one-on-one moments (55 percent), and when men open the door for them (53 percent). Men agree that they should make sure they get home (38 percent), but the most important gestures they consider chivalrous are actually just… being on time (39 percent) (also the bare minimum!), and pay the bill (38 percent).

Is some of this data actually incredibly frustrating if you’re looking for love in 2024? Yes. But the main takeaway shouldn’t be that you should give up dating altogether and retreat to the countryside forever to spend your days in solitude (although that sounds objectively great). It is that both men and women can gain a lot of clarity about the wants and needs of their matches by simply asking about them and expressing their own desires.

“There’s a lot to be said about putting your cards on the table and vice versa,” says Tinder’s Global Relationships Insight Expert, Paul Brunson, in a press release. “From life goals, to financial matters, to friendship circles: can they clearly articulate where they are in their lives, and most importantly, does it fit with what you want?” Konrath echoed that statement, saying that “remaining curious and asking questions can help dig beyond the surface and lead to deeper connections.” No ambiguity = no time wasted.

So what does that look like in action? By asking your match in advance what he or she is looking for, and answering honestly when he or she answers the question. Assuming they just want to connect, your POV may change during the date and keep you from opening up and being genuine. For men who date women, give their dates their undivided attention, be respectful both online and in person, and respond quickly: “Did you just want to make sure everything went well?” text can go a long way.

All in all, it turns out that the solution to the “Assumptions Epidemic” might just be mutual respect and good old-fashioned communication – we’d love to see it.

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