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Planet Green is speckled with sunlight like an ad for vegetarian bacon, but they want to keep you from owning the stuff

By Quentin Letts for the Daily Mail

10:15 PM June 12, 2024, updated 10:18 PM June 12, 2024


The Greens unveiled their manifesto at Sussex cricket club, Hove. A club employee led us. “Go to the cow corner,” he said. Cow-shot corner: Every cricket ground has one. It’s where the no-hopers ball slog.

The Greens create a vibrant atmosphere of whole grain innocence. It’s like living in an advertisement for vegetarian bacon.

Planet Green is dappled by sunlight. Everyone has perfect teeth. There are no fatties and the average age is 35 (the only difference between them and the creaking Lib Dems is that the Greens are sexier and don’t carry old plastic bags). The crowd here wore hipster beards, cheesecloth shirts, leather shoes and an easy look of entitlement. Lib Dems are more about polyester ties, gray slip-ons and prim censure.

One of the Greens had pink-orange hair. A boho-chic woman in an Oriental pantsuit floated around with a silk mask. Many of these young people looked like they had a private income. A child of about five marched in with her bicycle and helmet, with a daddy as damp as moss behind her.

The Greens unveiled their manifesto at Sussex cricket club, Hove. A club employee led us. “Go to the cow corner,” he said. Cow-shot corner: Every cricket ground has one. It’s where the no-hopers ball slog
The Greens create a vibrant atmosphere of whole grain innocence. It’s like living in an advertisement for vegetarian bacon
Planet Green is dappled by sunlight. Everyone has perfect teeth. There are no fatties and the average age is 35 (the only difference with the creaking Lib Dems is that the Greens are sexier and don’t wear old plastic bags)

The event was opened by Sian Berry, 49, who radiated sadness through a Mariella Frostbite drawl. Ms Berry hopes to succeed Caroline Lucas as MP for Brighton Pavilion. The latter was present, but only as a spectator. Her party calls her ‘the iconic Caroline Lucas’, which makes her sound like a bus station with brutalist art.

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Mrs. Berry complained about landlords. Her own rental home was fine, but some tenants suffered from ‘damp and mold’. Wait, shouldn’t the Greens approve of mold? Natural organism and all that.

Behind Mrs Berry stood a row of Greens with evangelical smiles. They held signs that read “REAL HOPE, REAL CHANGE.” One of these extras was an unusually tall guy. As Green, he stepped off the stage and stood on the floor so he wouldn’t tower over everyone else.

The Greens believe in equality. Does this mean they are cruel redistribution activists? Sure. They want to take your money and spend it on eco projects. Anyone with £50,000 or so would be affected. The opulent – ​​which probably meant the parents of most of the naive children in this room – would be wrung out.

When Ms. Berry quit, the party’s co-leaders, “Carla and Adrian,” ran to their desks like game show contestants, waving with the backs of their hands. They then read a clumsy, autocued story, the tone of which was a cross between Blue Peter and a cheerfully clapping Alpha course presentation. Carla (last name Denyer) was excited about ‘our shiny new manifesto’ and flashed her shiny gnashers, blinding anyone who had been careless enough not to wear eclipse eye protection. Her manic friendliness frayed a bit, mind you, when she talked about taxing the knuckleheads of private sector companies whose shareholders were “making millions in trouble.”

The Greens believe in equality. Does this mean they are cruel redistribution activists? Sure

This is the time to be ambitious!’ quacked little Carla. Her own ambition was not in question. After participating in a televised debate, she revealed that since that moment of network fame, people have been running up to her for hugs.

Co-leader Adrian Ramsay seemed a damper proposition, but beneath that lurked a gleeless dogmatist. He had little concern that there might be anti-Semites among his candidates and he did not like being asked about his position on nuclear weapons, namely that they would only fire them at a secondary point. Maybe it’s a little late then, buddy.

Sinister nonsense: that is the paradox of the Green Party. They come across as liberal, start sentences with “so” and dress like something out of a Boden catalogue, but they want to keep you from owning things. They are against capitalism. They don’t like real estate development. However, Carla seemed relaxed about building on the green belt.

She and her name were asked what hardships they had endured as children. Carla said her parents had only driven used cars. He replied that he had never gotten a pet. But now he turns out to be Carla’s gerbil.


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